Who Say Our English is TERUK...?

Some people say that our English is TERUK... But in my opinion our English is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point and effective...!! !

Here are some example of how Britons and Singaporeans differ in English...!! !


WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Singaporeans: No Stock.


RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?

Singaporeans: Hello, who page?


ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?

Singaporeans: S-kew me


WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Singaporeans: No-need, lah.


WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Singaporeans: (pointing the door) can ar?


WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Singaporeans: Don't be shy, lah!


WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Singaporeans: Where got?


WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Singaporeans: Don't want la...


IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Singaporeans: You mad, ah?


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Singaporeans: Shut up lah!


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?

Singaporeans: See what, see what?


WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Singaporeans: Die-lah!!


WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Singaporeans: Wat happen Why like that....


WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,

Singaporeans: like that also don't know how to do!!!!


WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me

Singaporeans: What the fuck...!! !


So which English is simple, short, effective, ect ect...?

A Flight to the Philippines...!! !

The Gentleman had a serious problem on board the flight. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face.

"Sir", she said; "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Three white buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and there was one red button labeled "ATR".

Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn't just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the "WW" button. Warm Water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The Men's restroom didn't have nice things like this.

Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the "WA" button. Warm Air replaced the warm water, wafted and swirled about, gently drying his underside.

He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the "PP" button. A large Powder Puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure. The ladies room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!

He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face...

"What happened?! How did I get here?! The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies restroom on a flight to Manila!!!" "You pushed one too many buttons.", replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. "That last button marked "ATR" is an Automatic Tamp ax Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

Finding a Job iN Singapore...!! !

Nowadays it’s very hard to get a job in Singapore. There are many different kinds of jobs but yet there are problems getting them... wondering why? There was this job advertised in the Strait Times which stated “Want to Earn Easy Money?” Sounds interesting so I called to inquire about it and guess what... they were looking for Chinese speaking employees. I got irritated and just asked them “Is it wrong to be born as a non-Chinese..?” The person just slammed the phone down. Singapore is supposed to be in a racial harmony society and yet we still have such problems. I jus don’t understand what’s the difference between Chinese speakers and non-Chinese speakers? You have any idea?

Well there was this other interview whereby they needed a person who has basic computer knowledge. Being interested, I went for the interview and they were like looking for females only. If they were looking for females then they should at least have stated in the advertisement. There are lots of differences between male and female but what difference does it make if both male and female has computer knowledge? Does that make a big difference or is it that the employer wants to see the sexy legs of a girl? I just don’t get it.

People say that Singapore has got no natural resources besides human resources to boost the economy. But yet they are employing foreigners from different countries such as India, Malaysia, China and Bangladesh. I agree that the jobs these people work are not appealing to Singaporeans but there are Singaporeans who are willing to do these jobs. To give an example, I have a friend who had many difficulties in finding jobs. He was willing to do the jobs of these foreigners. Yet it was too difficult to be employed. I just don’t understand what these employers want?

Thirty-five per cent of the jobs that are available in Singapore are only for Chinese speaking, twenty-five percent for females and thirty per cent for foreigners. The rest of the ten per cent is for the miserable unemployed people who are still looking for jobs.

I have got many friends who have a diploma or a degree, but the job that they are doing is totally not related to their course of study. This shows that no matter what you study, you might not get the job related to the courses you studied.

Common Mistakes during Interviews...!! !

There are many points to remember when going into a job interview, including what not to say or do. It only takes a split second to make a bad impression with an interviewer, so it is vital you know what to avoid before the big day.

• Turning up late or insulting your prospective boss are two obvious no-noes when going for a job interview, but there are many other pitfalls to be avoided to give yourself the best chance of that dream job.There are many points to remember when going into a job interview, including what not to say or do.
• Recruitment experts say the most important thing to avoid is negativity. No-one wants to hear you complaining about your current boss, or moaning about your spouse. Interviewers like to see someone who enjoys a challenge and exudes positivity.
• One of the most vital things to remember is to listen twice as much as you speak. "Someone was once asked to give an overview of their career and how they had got where they are today," she says. "The interviewee completely misunderstood and started going on about his train journey."
• Another human resources manager for a large Co., says it is important to guard against being a know-it-all. I like it when someone says they don’t know something or don’t have experience of a particular thing but then come up with ways they would like to learn about them.

Here are some of the most important things to avoid when going on an interview:

1. Lying

Although it's tempting, just don't do it. It's fine to gloss over things you don't want to talk about and concentrate on what you do, but outright lies will always be discovered later.

2. Criticising your current boss or company

Bear in mind that your interviewer will be thinking about what it would be like to work with you, so the last thing he or she wants to hear is you talking about your current colleagues behind their back. It makes you look bad.

3. Being rude

Remember to leave a good impression with whoever you meet, from the doorman to the chief executive. If you are accidentally rude apologise immediately and move on.

4. Complaining and making excuses

You may have had a nightmare train or car journey to get to your meeting, but your interviewer does not want to know the details and will quickly switch off if you go on about it.

5. Being unprepared

Re-read your CV and the job advert just before the interview. Having this information fresh in your mind will make it easier for you to review your qualities for the job. It's fine to take a pen and paper with you as long as it doesn't make you look untidy, and feel free to read from a list of questions you want to ask.

6. Appearing too nervous

If you are jittery the interviewer may think you haven't got enough confidence to do the job. If interviews are a real issue, consider getting professional help to handle your nerves.

7. Making a weak first impression

First impressions are vital because, however hard an interviewer tries, it is difficult to change them and he or she is then more likely to be dissatisfied with your answers.

8. Failing to research the company

As a general rule, the more famous the brand the more they will expect you to know. Researching the company shows you are serious about the job.

9. Being too confident

This can be irritating and make the interviewer think you won't fit into the team.

10. Joking

Avoid cracking jokes and being too familiar, you're not in the pub after all. You have no way of knowing whether your interviewer shares your sense of humour and your behaviour could be seen as inappropriate.

64 TV Axioms...!! !

1. Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.

2. Good guys are always outnumbered.

3. Good guys always win and get the girl.

4. Good guys are always good looking.

5. Good guys are the only ones with a sense of humor.

6. Good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.

7. Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 or 40 bad guys.

8. Good guys don’t take drugs.

9. Heros wear clothes that dirt can’t stick to.

10. Ugly people are always bad guys.

11. Bad guys will make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but they will never stick around to see if it works.

12. The bad guy chickens out first.

13. The police are smart.

14. police never wait for back-up.

15. Undercover cops are too good to be spotted, especially when wearing dark sunglasses.

16. All police killings are in self-defense.

17. Police chases must include a car going through a plate glass window.

18. Car wheels screech on any corner, even on dirt.

19. After being shot, there is always enough time to escape.

20. The chances of getting into an accident increases proportionally as the car goes slower.

21. Burglar alarm system’s connection box is on the outside wall.

22. Private detective work is glamorous.

23. Cars will explode in all accidents.

24. Court cases are all solved with a surprise witness.

25. Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.

26. Teenagers are always smarter than their parents.

27. High School students look thirty years old.

28. The suburbs are exciting.

29. Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.

30. All Chinese people know Karate.

31. Indians make good fodder.

32. All baseball games will be won with a home run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the bases loaded.

33. Everybody wins in Las Vegas.

34. Nobody has time to watch TV.

35. Nobody ever has trouble finding parking spots when they are in a hurry.

36. Housework is never needed.

37. Street vendor’s carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.

38. Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.

39. The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.

40. The last 5 minutes will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.

41. In case of emergency, speak in cliches.

42. 95 pound women in tight skirts can throw around 300 pound muscle- bound men.

43. Fist-fights don’t result in bruises.

44. Helicopters are attracted to mountains.

45. No one ever mumbles, stutters, or says "um..."

46. People normally wake up in the morning with make-up on.

47. There are no really ugly women, only really ugly men.

48. If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.

49. Your car will always start immediately unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.

50. Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.

51. Everyone has a "dark" secret.

52. Haunted houses are never locked.

53. Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.

54. Rich people are unhappy.

55. Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.

56. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.

57. Christmas Eve and Halloween night last for three of four days.

58. Midnight happens more than once in a monster movie.

59. To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 minutes before sunset.

60. Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into the dark cellar never came out.

61. The group always splits up to look for the alien.

62. Movies based on true stories are always made up.

63. Computers never crash. a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their home PC. b) Computers know everything. c) You must type frantically to keep a 3-D image moving on the screen.

64. In the end, all resource limitations are overruled.

Strange Accident Reports...!! !

Many people who experienced automobile accidents were asked to explain what happened in a few words or less on insurance or accident forms. The following are apparently true quotes...

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
• I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road; I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscurring my vision. I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctors with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
• I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
• The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cat.
• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front.
• I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.

That's all folks...!! !

Philosophies of Life...!! !

Someone asked me recently if there was some philosophy by which I tried to live my life. This was my reply:

I find that being an atheist, while not exactly diminishing the repertoire of philosophies one can live by, does allow you to cut them from a tangier wheel of cheese than that with which the more pious might top their existential crackers (that said, I’m really just a red cheddar kind of guy).

I don’t consciously try to follow any particular philosophy (I don’t think I’d be any good at that), but there are some general points that are usually kept somewhat operational in the mid levels of consciousness. Here are the ones I can think of (in no particular order):

• Pay attention, ask questions, and take notes.
• Try it. You might like it.
• On balance, try to be a net gain in any situation.
• Do no harm.
• If you must, do so with overwhelming force and a clear exit strategy.
• If you do fuck up, stand up and take the bullet. No one wants to listen to excuses and besides, it probably doesn’t matter anyway.
• Be honest and sincere, even if you must lie.
• As far as anyone knows we only get one shot at life so make it fun. Technically, everything is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
• Be polite. It makes such a difference.
• Don’t worry about making the world a better place because very few of us actually know what “better” means. It’s probably enough to leave it as you found it. And clean up after yourself.
• Make sure you always care for something else — another living thing. It could be a plant, it could be a pet, it could be a relative. It can’t be your car or your hi-fi or your shoes (which should be reasonably but not obsessively well polished).
• Play regularly.
• Try to read more.
• Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

I guess any list of one’s philosophies of life comes off sounding like that terrible “wear sunscreen” thing of a few years ago, but there you have it. The principles which have, er … got me where I am today.

A huge Bear...!! !

The pictures above is of a guy who works for the forest Service in Alaska. He was out deer hunting. A large world record Grizzly charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy unloaded a 7mm Mag Semi-auto into the bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The thing was still alive so he reloaded and shot the bear 7 more times in the head. The bear weighed over 1600 hundred pounds and stood 12 foot six inches at the shoulder. It is of course a new world record. The bear was responsible for the killing of 6 other people. The DNR never let him keep the bear. Think about it. The bear standing on its hind legs could walk up to the average single story house and look over the roof. The last picture was the bears last meal. The guy was a bow hunter baiting his stands.

Look at the paws of the bear. You would not want to get that at your face. It looks too Dangerous.

The Last Meal of The Bear...!! !

Pyaar... Love... :)..!! !

Jabse Maine Dekha Tujhko...
Pyar Hi Pyar Nazar Aata Hain Mujhko...
Najane Hain Yeh Kaisi Bekarari...
Jab Bhi Mujhe Teri Yaad Aaee...
Tumhara Hi Naam Aata Hain Mere Mann Mein...
Jabse Maine Pyar Kiya Hain Tumse...

Tumhare Pyar Mein Hum Pagal Hain...
Hum Toh Sirf Tumhare Hi Deewana Hain...
Tumhe Bhagwan Se Hum Manglengge...
Tumhe Is Jahan Se Curalengge...
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaye Is Zamane Ko...
Hum Toh Sirf Tumhare Dewane Banengge...!! !


This is the poem which i made when i was juz
14 years old... I have always wanted to share
this poem with the people i know... But sadly..
this poem is in Hindi and even if i translate it
does not ryhmes properly... I am sorry for
those who don understand the poem.. But i
juz did what my heart told me to do...!! !

Take Care...!! !

Durgesh... :)..!! !